You know you’ve done everything as planned. You had a plan to go to school and be the best. Get a scholarship and study abroad. Work your ass off for things you truly believed in and then move again. Pack your stuff, take your courage and fears in your bags and just fly off. Nobody will ever know about your crying nights anyway. Enjoy a 12 hours plane trip. Smell for the first time the air of an unknown land which eventually will brings you to the most amazing places on earth and the best friends you’ve ever had.
Have girlfriends for the first time in your life. Girlfriends that don’t bail on you, that call you out for brunch, that Sunday food shop with you. Girlfriends that take you out for coffee, hindu temples, amazing trips in the middle of nowhere. Girlfriends who are helping you out with projects, who believe in you and who bring you cake for your birthday. Gay friends. Black friends. Asians, africans, latin americans, europeans, americans. Gay friends who are always holding your hand no matter what.
Move back. Feel like the whole world is shaking under your feet and all your insecurities and everything you’ve felt so sure about is not there anymore. But has it ever been or was it just your imagination?
Meet guys. Beautiful smart people that are making you get butterflies in your stomach, hold your hand and kiss you good night. Meet people that inspire you so badly even for one second and from whom you wanna get all your good energy.
But what happens when you hold on to stuff for too long? Memories, ideas, dreams, people? When everybody you know, everytime you meet tells you they love your writing, they think you’re smart and you’ll do well in life. What happens when nobody sticks to you but everybody loves you and thinks you’re amazing? What happens when you try to get that little something that has been on the top of your head for such a long time and when you finally get it if fades away as fast as it came? And last but not least what happens when you know you can do something, there are so many people believing in you and expecting beautiful things coming off your hands but even though courage is not what you’re lacking but motivation is something that keeps you hanging and makes you always expect a second person to push you further?
If there’s one thing I like about Bucharest is that it became my home. The place where I can always come crash, always walk around and enjoy the beautiful buildings, the smell, the people, the cold, the spring, the neverending parties. The metro, the rush, the cars. It all calms me down, lets me breath in and out and tells me that everything will be all right.
In the end, thanks Bucharest for being my saviour.