If I can feel it, I can say it

Abroad experiences are the best way to turn you around. Last year, I learnt how to rely on my own and to be more self-confident, this time I learnt how to express my feelings and I learnt it the hard way.

Everybody came in Erasmus with the idea not to fall in love, mostly due to bad experiences and I guess already fearing the end. Most of them did fall in love, no matter what they call it. It was something that makes their heart beat harder.

Yet, that was not what I had in mind. I am not saying I was looking for love, it has never been a goal. But ever since my abroad experiences, I have been ready to welcome everything happening to me…for a certain amount of time. That was my idea, give everything I could, take everything for 5 months or 1 year. I have plans, for myself, I always had. I was ready for unconditional but time limited love.

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Though, I had a rule that I had always been following: never show my feelings. I was not cheesy because I was not telling, I was not jealous because I was not asking.

These past months started like a game. It was not in my language and then it was easier. I was teaching some French, using some others, I was laughing at myself but I did like it actually. I loved it, a lot. Sometimes it does some good to let it go, because you have someone to share it with.

And when it’s time to leave, it doesn’t sound like a game anymore. You start realizing that all the things you did, everything you said, you were actually meaning it. You recognize that all of this was fully part of your life. You get used to these little names, these multilingual calls and the insurance that you were gonna meet by the end of the day. When each of us is back in its own country,

what are our options? When you miss someone like crazy, I guess you have no other choice than to believe…

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